Don't Quit Page 18
We had to work up to the move, so we sold stuff on eBay and started a home management business for some of our clients who didn’t rent their second homes out while they were living elsewhere. We’d check the house to make sure everything was paid, and everyone was doing their jobs like the landscapers, house cleaners, etc. Once we left, we would turn this business over to a friend to run. Some things were not selling, like our house and our land. The guy that bought the business needed us to hold paper on $100,000. I was okay with this. If he didn’t pay, I would get the business back. The business consultant recommended a lawyer to do the closing for the company. I stayed on to help transition the business over to the new owner.
In the transition and finalizing the selling of items, days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. While waiting, the broker and lawyer had some nice business opportunities with which I could make some cash back in a couple months. I also let the lawyer negotiate with the business debt to settle on a lower dollar amount. What was left over I would keep to live on until my Belizean real estate business was running and until the short loans I made to the broker and lawyer for the business opportunities paid off. But things were looking a little tight. There was no way I was getting my 40-foot yacht.
If what I know now, I knew back then, I would have made many changes. One of my mentors says trust but verify. The lawyer and consultant worked together to scam a lot of money from me. I trusted them, and the investments never panned out. They knew I was not a sophisticated investor and didn’t explain the deals or the process like they should have. Once I had sent them the money, I felt thrown away like garbage. Neither of them ever returned my calls. They made over $100k USD off me during the whole process. But I can’t put all the blame on them. I was the one who gave them the money and the control.
I was done and ready to get the heck out of the US. I was being taken advantage of way too much. We sold the remaining things we owned at 25 to 50 cents on the dollar and let the house go into foreclosure. All we owned was in a 20-foot container, and only half was ours. The rest we bought to sell in Belize to make some cash and help pay for the duty and shipping cost.
I boarded a plane to Belize with about $22,000 USD to start a life over with my wife and my 11-year-old daughter. Failure was not an option! We were grateful that in about six months I would be getting the $100k owed to me from the business and that we still had two US lots of land we could sell. I was not too worried, as I know I am a hard worker. When we arrived, I had to obtain a work permit, and while waiting, I studied, listened to conversations, and was learning. After a couple months, I received my work permit and I started as an assistant. I worked 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. most days, six days a week.
Six months later, the money was due for the business, and the new owner didn’t pay. He claimed he had lost a lot of business and pointed to issues “I had caused” as an excuse. After he took over, he changed everything around, and yes, he lost business, but that was not due to me. Of course, the lawyer told me it would cost too much to go after him. It was best to write it off. I was running on fumes, so I couldn’t fight it. In the end, I settled on a few thousand dollars. A couple months later, I sold the last two lots of land we owned for about a pittance of $8k each, but I was okay with that because we were still turning a profit. I was done fighting. My life was simple in Belize. I didn’t need the stress.
I was working a lot and long hours to build a reputation and a new business with RE/MAX. I moved up to agent, became a volunteer firefighter, and joined the Placencia Humane Society. Then I was able to buy the Placencia franchise and Hopkins territory from RE/MAX LLC and opened an office in Hopkins.
Today, I have an excellent reputation for being honest and telling it like it is. I knew from the start I needed to build relationships. I’m an agent who sells like a farmer rather than a hunter. Now, I am one of the top agents in sales in Placencia and with RE/MAX Caribbean and Central America. I’m always in the top 100 agents. That has enabled me to purchase a couple properties, one of them with six rentals.
When I became an agent, life was going great. At least, I thought it was. Then, I heard The Real Estate Guys Radio Show and then met the hosts. That led to the purple book by Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad Poor Dad , and the rest of his books. My mind was opened to a whole new world. I found people that thought like me but knew so much more. I couldn’t stop learning and reading. I was taught to think BIG. Your limits are only what your mind holds you back from thinking, good debt versus bad debt, financial freedom is not a NUMBER or dollar amount, and on and on. Man, I could see all the mistakes I made, but I learned a hell of a lot from them. I made myself get up, dust myself off, and get right back at it.
My new purpose in life was formed. I loved Belize and the people, and this was MY HOME! As of February 2020, I will have been here for 10 years and will be approved to be a Belize citizen!
I see a lot of locals who cannot afford to live well due to the high cost of property, lower wages, high interest rates, and short loan terms. So, my mission is to bring quality, safe, and affordable housing to them. Over the years, I have fought to advance animal rights, build a new fire station with new equipment, help locals start businesses, and teach them the financial education that I have been fortunate to learn and continue to learn. I have plans to do agriculture farming and other projects I see a need for. Belize is one of the fastest-growing countries in the Caribbean, and I plan to do everything I can to continue it being a wonderful place for everyone to live. I welcome all who are interested in the same mission to join me.
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TWEETABLE
An ordinary person with a passion for helping others, a drive to work, and lots of dream can change the world. Don’t let anything stop you from making your dream a reality. Failure and other people will discourage you and that will only help you to never quit and never give up.
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David Kafka was born in Germany, grew up in Columbia, SC, and moved to Charleston to start his life as a firefighter where he was a recipient of a Life Saver award. He started a successful landscape company before vacation took his family to Belize where they fell in love with the country and people. David is an honest real estate agent broker and always in the top 100 agents in the Caribbean and Central America. He is developing affordable housing in Belize and volunteers his time helping the animals and in the fire department in Placencia Village. Now, he educates people on how to move to Belize, buying property, building options, development, and starting businesses in one of the fastest-growing Caribbean countries. Reach out to David Kafka by email at book@caribbeancapitalgroup.com
CHAPTER 27
Breathe and Love Unconditionally
by Cassie Bullock
H ow could I have prepared for this? Why did I wait? Why did sociocultural norms have such power?
Fear.
Why would fear of how others might respond stop me from unconditional love?
Fear of rejection. Fear for the life of my child.
Regardless of the reason, I was now looking for answers to other questions. How could I own the reality I was being presented with? I was trying to make all the pieces fit the value of loving others as Jesus loves and feeling a sense of confusion when I compared what I had been taught and not taught about LGBTQ acceptance. Would I show the same love for ALL others that I received from God? These were just a few of the questions swirling in my head and heart.
I sensed a nudge in my heart, “Share your story. Be vulnerable.” Really? Could I?
My emotions, feelings, and thoughts were fighting. I had deep pain for what would no longer be, BUT to not accept the reality that was unfolding…I couldn’t go there. Many articles I had read revealed alarming rates of attempted suicide―four out of ten. Those numbers weren’t just numbers.
They were lives, souls, children, adolescents―my child. God put billboards in front of me in many forms: events, books, magazines, including a cover story in National Geographic , a Front
line documentary, and people, trying to prepare me to live out unconditional love―one of the most powerful forces on Earth. Fear and stepping into unknown territory was keeping me paralyzed. But what my child was experiencing was even more daunting. When I finally leaned into the fear and took small, baby steps, so many amazing, wonderful things happened. Lifelong relationships were my strength. Friends I had looked up to and respected were standing with me.
The result of my accepting my child was much like seeing a beautiful butterfly exit its cocoon. My son, identified at birth as female, transitioned to male at age 15.
It’s humbling to look back and see the people and circumstances God placed in my path to guide and prepare me. The strength of my son to be patient with me and his courage to wait until I could move from my place of fear brings tears to my eyes. He had known YEARS before, when he was a young child, that his body did not align with his mind. Only when he could live out who he truly was could he have inner peace and happiness.
Growing up, I had very limited exposure to diversity. I regret not being more openly accepting of classmates and others I had known, but at the time, I just didn’t have the thought/training/skill to fully embrace our differences.
I kept seeing the obvious, my daughter’s masculine gender presentation, but not owning it. Because with two older brothers, why wouldn’t my daughter be a tomboy? That would be “normal.” I could get my brain and my heart to wrap around that easily.
My daughter felt most comfortable wearing only “boy” clothes, mostly handed down from brothers. In grade school, she would say things like, “Why do girls do that?” A now clear indication that she didn’t identify with her gender assigned at birth. Hair bows? Not a chance. Ponytails and long hair? No way. In second grade, she insisted on a short haircut. She felt much more comfortable playing with a group of boys. When I introduced my children, I would make a point to say, “…and this is my DAUGHTER,” because otherwise people assumed I had three sons.
At restaurants, wait staff always assumed the male pronoun, asking, “What would he like to order?”
I would reply, “SHE would like…”
When I thought back on times like these, the questions kept coming. What mattered most, what others MIGHT be saying or the health and happiness of my child? When I was finally accepting reality, I asked how that had made him feel.
With tears in his eyes, he said, “It really hurt.” Without hesitation, I said, “I am so sorry.”
Our relationship has always been strong, though for a time we both felt very awkward around each other because he had transitioned to male pronouns and a new name at school, but not at home or with family.
My shift from denial to reality started in 2014 when I went to a conference in west Texas and heard Sally Gary speak. She had written a book, Loves God, Likes Girls . The room where she spoke was standing room only as she shared her story of same-sex attraction and her mission to help church leaders, educators, and families better understand issues impacting LGBTQ+ people and how to start healthy conversations about faith and sexuality. I cried the entire session. I had been wrong in how I thought about and felt towards the lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender- queer+searching community.
I reached out to three people: a friend from college, a mentor, and a counselor who I knew would listen to me without judgment. The irony of this does not escape me. I had to overcome my fear of being judged because of my own judgments. Once I named my fears and shared them, the true healing began. Over the next four years, we moved forward.
A friend from the GENECIS (GENder Education and Care Interdisciplinary Support) program at Children’s Health in Dallas, a medical team specific to the transgender community, shared a letter she had written to share with her family and friends. In a loving and respectful way, she shared what transgender meant and how, as a family, they would be taking whatever steps were needed to embrace, include, and love their son as his true male identity. We wrote our own letter and shared it with family and friends. Their responses back to us gave me such hope, confidence, and strength. I could breathe again!
Paperwork began to fly! My husband and I stood before the judge alongside our son, not yet 18, to state our support of an official name change, then
to the Social Security Administration, next, Department of Public Safety for drivers license name change. Then we applied for a new passport and the name and gender marker change on his birth certificate. He chose to have top surgery a couple of years ago. Unless you knew my family before, if you met them today, you would never guess we were not always a family with three sons. I am thankful for them and where we are today. The relationship between me, my husband, and our three sons is strong.
Was it hard? Yes. Impossible? NO. Worth it? Absolutely!
One of the unintended positive outcomes of this journey has been that I have broken through my own judgments to see people and the world through the eyes of love. When we focus on how we are all the same, we can’t help but to only see endless potential. I am grateful because I am now better and wiser.
This has led me to a place where I am convinced that others could benefit from the power of unconditional love and acceptance, allowing everyone to have a place to belong in families, churches, and communities. I am honored to share my story with groups across the country and online through my blog where I host conversations about family, crushing your fears, love and acceptance, living intentionally, and unconditional love.
One of my favorite authors, Brené Brown, has done research and written books in the area of vulnerability. I want to be vulnerable. It scares me. But I believe that vulnerability through unconditional love is the path to healing and wholeness.
It is a daily choice. Will you choose unconditional love?
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TWEETABLE
Listen to your heart. Be mindful of others. Don’t let fear stop you.
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Cassie Bullock was born into a typical, small Texas town where the population was very similar in nature, allowing for “normal” differences. Today, she is a wife and mother of three sons. She is a leader in her church, the president of a local Toastmasters club, and educated as a teacher.
Cassie’s family story is meant to help others who might be waking up to the kind of transition she has experienced in her life. She intends to spend the rest of her life helping others discover the power of unconditional love. Cassie can be reached through
email at info@cassiebullock.com . She would welcome the opportunity to start a conversation.
cassiebullock.com
CHAPTER 28
From Playing It Safe to Pursuing My Passion
by James Miles
“J ames, uh, so, yeah, HR called and asked me to escort you down to the HR office. I am sorry, I have no idea what this is about. They just asked me to do it because your manager is not here.”
That was a neighboring team manager and friend of mine at a multibillion-dollar financial firm where I had worked for the previous eight years. Those words were the beginning of the end of my career in “safe” jobs and the beginning of my journey to find my real passion.
Growing up, everything came easy for me. I was able to coast through high school getting Bs, I was accepted into the ONLY college that I applied to, and I chose a degree that required the minimum amount of credits to graduate.
I tried to start a consulting business shortly after college but didn’t know what I was doing. It was easier to take a job offer that came along instead of figuring out how to make the business work when it started to get tough.
I knew all along that I wasn’t satisfied by working in the IT career that I fell into after college, but I was very good at it, and it came easily to me. I didn’t really know how to find my passion and turn it into a business that I could be excited about. I would just change jobs, companies, or careers every two or three years trying to find something that satisfied me.
I was doing well at that multi-billion dollar financia
l firm when I found myself in the HR office. I had switched careers from IT to finance to join the company and then found a way to mix my new business knowledge with my IT knowledge and more than double my salary at the same time. I was comfortable, and I was in the process of getting a promotion to middle management. I thought life was good, but I don’t know how long that would have lasted, and fortunately, I didn’t have to find out.
In that visit to the HR office, they let me know they were in the process of trying to get ahold of my supervisor to terminate my employment, but fortunately, she was traveling, and I had the opportunity to submit my resignation instead of being fired. I was promptly escorted from the building and asked to leave the premises. I received my personal belongings in the mail a week later.
That was the lowest I have ever been in my life. Until that day, I had never cried in front of my wife or my boys. I realized that I never wanted to be in the position where someone else gets to determine whether I had employment or not. I didn’t want someone else dictating my schedule. My children were getting older and were involved in many activities that I wanted to be able to attend. Lastly, I valued volunteering for my church and other non-profit organizations and wanted to have the time and energy to do that. I decided it was time to take control of my life and future and figure out what my passion was and make a business out of it.
After that first attempt at starting my own business shortly after college, I was hesitant to take any risks to find that passion. I had gotten married and had four boys. It was too risky. I had to provide for my family. I figured I would just work hard on the things that came easily and switch jobs or careers and try and get promoted to become successful. None of those changes worked for me, and it finally took nearly getting fired for me to be willing to take that leap into pursuing that passion.