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  I opened my eyes and saw Dr. Hetzel next to me. I was instantly consumed by the love pouring out of his blue eyes when I heard him say, “It’s alright, Jenny. You see He’s always been here with you.”

  My tears turned into sobs. I’m not sure how long I cried before I asked, “So where was God when my dad died?”

  Dr. Hetzel remained quiet for a moment and then said, “I think you know the answer better than anyone.”

  I rolled to my side. I could still feel my tears streaming down the side of my face, but my body relaxed, and the pain subsided. After the shudders from my crying stopped, without even realizing I was talking, I heard my own voice say, “I believe God was with my dad. I also believe He was with me. The difference between us was that my dad was too sick to hear God’s guiding words.”

  ――

  As I returned from my memories, I read the message from my friend one last time, and then without hesitation, I began to write, knowing that within me was a message that needed to be shared.

  Three years, one move, and countless prayers later, what once was meant to be a letter of hope became a published book on healing. Knowing that

  I couldn’t make money off of the pain of others, I started a nonprofit called Growing Out Of Darkness also known as GOOD. Our mission is to inspire hope, wellness, and gratitude even in the midst of crisis. We donate copies of Growing Through Grief to individuals and organizations in need.

  As a result of this book, my speaking career was reignited after taking nearly 14 years off to focus on being a full-time mom. In October of 2017, just a few days after the Las Vegas shooting where 58 lives were lost, I received a call from a friend who had read my book. She asked if I would come back to Las Vegas to speak on spiritual healing. It was an honor and a privilege to speak on a stage and to have the opportunity to connect with those who’d been impacted by the tragedy.

  Once again, thanks to someone in my life, I’d been given an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and take action, which allowed me to come full circle in my own spiritual healing. Las Vegas will forever hold a special place in my heart. It’s where I rediscovered my spirituality and then seven years later, for the first time ever, shared my full story of heartache and healing with the hope of helping others.

  Since then, I’ve had the honor to speak to audiences across the country about a variety of topics including postpartum depression, the power of our words, and achieving success even after experiencing great loss, but my favorite topic to share with an audience is healing. Too often I’ve heard people say things such as, “It’s impossible to heal from a loss such as suicide. It’s not something we can ever get over.”

  I’m sharing my journey with you so you will know that healing is possible. Maybe we’re not meant to get over the pain of losing a loved one to suicide, but I believe we can all grow through it with the help of others and the commitment to ourselves.

  Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Based on my experiences, we can’t truly grow, change, or heal if we’re just along for the ride. I believe we are the product of the people who we allow to influence our actions regardless of how much time we spend with them.

  Blessings come in and out of our lives every day. Are you able to recognize them, and are you willing to do the work?

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  TWEETABLE

  Our ability to heal isn’t determined by the amount of time that’s passed, but by what we do with that time. We can’t truly grow, change, or heal if we’re just along for the ride. I believe we are the product of the people we allow to influence our actions.

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  Jenny Landon is the founder of Growing Out Of Darkness, author of Growing Through Grief, and host of GOOD CHATS. She speaks to audiences large and small about intentional living, authentic healing, and meaningful connections, as well as how understanding these concepts lays the foundation for living a life of hope, wellness, and gratitude. Jenny inspires hope while empowering her audience to ask questions, explore options, and take action. To request Jenny to speak, visit www.growingoutofdarkness.org or email [email protected]

  CHAPTER 7

  Death to Life

  Front Row Seats to Miracles

  by Kyle Hoffman

  W hat were seemingly some of the worst days of my life, turned out to be the beginning of a journey to some of the best days of my life.

  Losing two children, going through deep depression, and alcoholism is not an easy story to tell. I share in the hope of helping others.

  October 28, 2007 – It felt like a nightmare, and I was waiting to wake up. As we sat there listening to her tell us that our 17-year-old son Kyle Jr. was going to die, I couldn’t stop the thoughts that were running through my head. I had to believe that God was going to save him and that the doctors were wrong. After all, it’s all about what you truly believe. Right?

  There’s no way God would allow Kyle to die after we had already lost our first child. Would He?

  But what if he dies? You can’t think that way―Stop it! You have got to believe! Get out of your head! Look at her, I love her so much! How am I going to be strong for my wife? Oh God, please don’t let him die!

  Mixing, racing thoughts, but I had to keep it together. After all, the last time my wife said, “I felt like I lost a son and a husband.”

  When our six-year-old son Joey died in 1989, I chose to escape through alcohol and stayed numb as much as I could for a long time. But on October 21, 2003 that all changed. It was the first day of counseling and my first official day of not picking up a drink to numb the pain. At the time, it felt like the first of many horrible days. For 14 years, I had run to the bottle to avoid dealing with Joey’s death. Then my beliefs were very different than my beliefs today. Talking did no good. I never listened to hear. After all, why would you when you already have all the answers? “Never show anything that resembles weakness. Be strong, firm, and determined!” Life sucked, and I just had to figure out how to deal with it and get through it! “God did this to punish me!” So, any counseling session was all about how I was a victim of life. “It’s all her fault. It’s all God’s fault. It’s the driver’s fault.” It was everybody and everything except me.

  But how was I going to do this again? On October 29, 2007, Kyle Jr. died.

  I was a very different man than I used to be. It was time to apply some of the teachings and knowledge that were given to me by some great men and women that God had placed in my life over the previous four years.

  A couple days later, curled up in the fetal position, weeping, I talked to God. You picked the wrong guy! I can’t do this again! This hurts so bad! The difference was, this time I was talking to God, and I was talking and listening to people. I was asking questions. The major difference was that I had decided to trust, honor, love, and follow God, no matter what. And when I make a decision, I’m serious about it.

  Just under three years later, I was facing challenges in my 16-year-old roofing business. I was sitting in my office crying, praying, and asking God to show me if it was over. Did God really bring me this far to throw in the towel? I was looking back on everything that had happened and doing my best to learn from the past. The combination of Kyle’s death and then the recession in 2008 really impacted me. I was there, but I wasn’t. I had lost my passion and my drive. Though I was showing up and trying to survive, it just wasn’t enough. I remember a time when some people from one of the distributors came to meet with me in early 2009. One of them said, “Think about it this way Kyle, these tough times will weed out the weak ones.”

  I remember saying, “Yes, I just pray I’m not one of the weak ones.” Turns out, I was a weak roofer with a weak business.

  Since Kyle’s death, I had exhausted all my financial resources, maxed credit cards, cashed out health insurance, and retirement, refinanced the house, and spent all the savings. There was nothing left!

  As I sat there in
my office praying, a window popped up on my computer screen.

  “Business Troubles! We can help….”

  What! Was this a sign from God? I opened the email, and it was from Certified Contractors Network (CCN). They were having an event in Miami, and in short, they could change your life. After talking with my wife, we decided that I had to go. We used more money that we didn’t have, and I went. This was the first critical part of my success story. Today, I say it like this, “Change your business, change your life” I started learning and working their processes and implementing their systems into our business. I went to their boot camps and decided I was all in.

  But I also needed another critical piece that I wasn’t aware of yet. And God was about to reveal it to me through a pastor and friend named Phil. He had business experience and knowledge from his corporate days before he became a pastor.

  I had learned many lessons in my life up to this point. One of those was a proverb. “Plans fail for lack of advice. Many counselors bring success.” Though CCN brought solutions, systems, and processes, they didn’t bring cash. I still had cash flow issues, and was way behind on bills and I didn’t know what to do.

  I was praying one day, and I believe God brought Phil to mind, so I called him. I explained how I was embarrassed to tell him this, but I was in trouble and didn’t know how to tell if it was the end of my business. Phil listened, told me he would take a look at my business, and then sent me an email with all the documents and other info he needed to review with me. We set up a time to meet, and we went over everything together. Phil asked me a lot of questions and took notes on my answers.

  Finally, after four hours, it was time. Phil was going to reveal to me his thoughts about whether it was over or not. As I was sitting, watching, and waiting for him to speak. I remembered thinking there was something Phil didn’t know. My wife and I had decided after prayer that whatever Phil said, we were going to do. If he said it was over, it was over. If he said it’s not over, then we would go on, but I didn’t have any idea how. After all, what you don’t know, you don’t know, until you know. I was about to know and learn more than I expected.

  Finally, he spoke. “Yes, we can save your business. It’s not too late. But before we do, I have a question for you. Because this question makes all the difference.”

  “Is your heart in it? I know all you have been through, and if your heart’s not in it, we might as well plan and file bankruptcy now. This will be a long, hard climb.”

  He took a few minutes to share a vision with me of how we would make this work if I did decide that my heart was in it. But first, his advice was that I go home to talk to my wife, family, and other friends and get back to him with the answer.

  The first thing I did was pray. God, is my heart in it? I am tired. It’s been tough. Can I do this? Am I smart enough? Am I strong enough? Am I up for the challenge? It’s going to be a lot! After careful thought, prayer, and meditation, we decided, my heart was in it. So, we began the journey of life and business recovery and rebuilding.

  There are so many stories I want to share. All these experiences and lessons have inspired me to publish a blog. I also will have a book coming out next year titled Lessons from a Grieving Father.

  I want to share two main lessons here.

  Several years after Kyle’s death, my phone rang. It was my friend Bruce. He asked how things were going. I said, “Well, it’s death month, so it sucks.”

  It was kind of like how the deer know when it’s hunting season and they flee or hide. This was a very difficult time for me for years. He asked me what I thought about at this time of the year. I told him, “Well, everything. I remember the officer knocking on the door, the ride to the hospital, the thoughts, the news from the doctors, the sound of screams and crying, making the decision to turn off the life support―I remember all the bad stuff. It just won’t go away.”

  After a few seconds of silence, Bruce said, “I’m sorry, Kyle. But, I’m curious, what month was Kyle born?”

  I answered, “It was April 15th.”

  Bruce asked, “What do you think about when that time of the year approaches?” I got excited and started to tell him how I remembered sonogram day, the news about him being a boy, the day Chris went into labor, his birth, bringing him home, oh boy the stinky diapers, his first steps, the first day of school, and I happily went on and on.

  After I finished, Bruce asked a simple question. “Why can’t you think about those things this time of the year?” This had never dawned on me before. So, I prayed and asked God to help me. This was the beginning of a new mindset for us. Since then, I no longer fear death month because it no longer exists. I’m not saying that I don’t remember the bad days, but I choose not to dwell on them like I did before the day Bruce called.

  That lesson changed me personally. Another changed everything for me professionally.

  I was at a CCN Business Planning Bootcamp, and a man named Charlie was talking with me. I was struggling with all this business stuff I was trying to learn. The fight to clean up the mess that I created was challenging, to say the least. I was down. I was feeling beat up. As I stood there talking with Charlie, he asked me a question: “Kyle, what do you do for a living?”

  As I looked down at the floor, I said, “I’m a roofer, Charlie!”

  “Look at me!” Charlie said. “I want you to go home, and starting tomorrow morning, I want you to look in the mirror and say to yourself ‘I’m a businessman who owns a construction company,’ and then I want you to do every day whatever it is you need to do that day to become more of a businessman who owns a construction company.”

  Looking back now, I can see how God was answering my questions. Can I do this? Am I smart enough? What I didn’t tell you yet is that I’m an 8th grade dropout. I’ve never completed any other schooling. I dropped out to get a job and work to provide for my pregnant girlfriend, who became my wife.

  And I learned a trade.

  So, I put a Post-it on my mirror and every day made the bold statement. And every day, I did what I needed to do just as Charlie said to.

  I thank God for CCN, Phil, Bruce, Charlie, and so many others. Today my life and business are not just surviving. We are thriving! As a matter of fact, I now coach other business owners, mentor men, speak at personal and professional events, have been asked to be on development committees, and am blown away by the fact that I’m an 8th grade dropout living the life I am living. I do want to say that I do believe in education. If I had more business schooling, I could have saved some time learning “the hard way.”

  Our story is not a story of the kind of miracles many people think of. My son was not miraculously healed. It wasn’t the kind of miracle where I suddenly came into some money, and God changed my business in some easy, unexpected way. The near-death of our business caused me to look at myself and the things I needed to change. The death of our sons showed us the value of life and every single precious moment of it. My miracles have to do with what I believed, my heart, how I see life, how I see God, and how I see myself. My miracle is my marriage and my wife. It’s my grandchildren and the time I get with them. Kyle’s daughter has asked me every year to accompany her to the father-daughter dance. I’m so blessed! My daughter Marie moved back home after Kyle’s death. She is now my business partner. She says I’m her dad, her partner, and her best friend.

  My miracle is that my heart was, and is, still in it!

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  TWEETABLE

  Changing you will change your world. Many of us want to change. God gives us all the options, the resources, and the people needed to help us change. The real question is, are we willing to do what we need to do to change?

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  Kyle Hoffman works to live, and his passions are sharing life with family and friends and bass fishing. One of his lifelong goals is to build a corporation that will provide for his family for generations to come. As a business owner, speaker, coach, and author, Kyle is hono
red to help others grow and make a difference in their lives. Visit Kyle at KyleHoffmanLLC.com to subscribe to his blog and read more lessons from Kyle’s front row seat to miracles and to learn more about his coaching and speaking services.

  CHAPTER 8

  Blindly Following Financial Professionals to

  Courageously Disrupting the Financial Industry

  by Kurtis Drake

  I was a teenager in high school living in rural South Carolina. I was on top of the world as I watched my father work his magic in order to close on our first fixer upper. He was charismatic. He spoke eloquently to the family selling the old farmhouse to arrive at a win-win scenario. We were living the American dream! This experience was where I first developed my affinity for real estate. I was hooked, and the fire in my belly was ignited. We were off to the races!

  Only a couple of months into this project, Dad unexpectedly became terminally ill and passed away shortly thereafter. Renovation progress on the farm came to a screeching halt, and my dreams of learning from a pro were squashed. I was forced to grow up quickly and learn some tough adult life lessons before I was prepared.

  Soon after Dad’s passing, the professional sharks started circling. As luck would have it, there was a hungry, eager financial advisor who entered into our family’s life just at the time Dad’s lump sum death benefit was distributed. She was nice, very chipper and was always in a great mood. For all intents and purposes, she was likeable. She began helping my mom and my three siblings with our financial landscape, us blindly funneling her money as she assisted our poor, traumatized family. This continued for quite a while, and my family was set up on autopilot. It seemed like fate, but I’ve since learned this was not the case.